so explain again why im purple
no
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
