you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Vodka?
Forever.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize