Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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