When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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