I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No I am not eating basil off your cock
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
