It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
