Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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