Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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