but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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