I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
