I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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