So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
