Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
