i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i love accidental penises.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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