You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
