In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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