I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
