the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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