Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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