This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
