you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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