Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So vagazzling was a success
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
