This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
