i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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