Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
