Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
