i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
