Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
