I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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