she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
