Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
