That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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