my mouth tastes like poor choices
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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