you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
