she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
