my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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