i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
