fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
