We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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