Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
