giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
