If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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