How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
