I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
