"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
