I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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