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I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
