Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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