I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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