billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
