I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
