How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
