plz talk dirty to me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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