They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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