I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
