the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
