i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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