I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
