remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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