Whatcha textin bout Willis?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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