my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
