So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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