im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
