i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
