The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
