ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize