bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
