Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
