I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
